Haircuts

“The things you take for granted might be major accomplishments for someone else…”, Adam J. Kurtz.

     Dubbers’ first haircut was not until he was eighteen months, as he did not have much hair until then. Ironically, it went very well. We went to where Phil got his haircut at the time, which was a men’s “salon” inside Saks Fifth Avenue. It was quiet, he sat on Phil’s lap and watched a favorite show on his iPad and was pretty oblivious to what was happening. So “Wow” we thought, “That went great”!

     His next haircut was at the same place as his first, as we did not want to risk a bad experience somewhere else since he had previously done so well. At this appointment we quickly realized that his first was not due to the place, the company or the distraction, but that Dubbers was just unaware of what was happening. Now that he was a little older he was definitely VERY aware. He cried and was so unhappy that I think the hairdresser maybe took two snips before we raised our white flag and left.

     The third time, was definitely not “the charm,” even though we tried a new and more age-appropriate hair salon geared towards kids. There were chairs made to look like little cars to sit in as well as televisions at each station that would play the DVD of choice! Dubbers was not impressed. He obviously had not forgotten about our last attempt, but this time I was more determined to make a success. Dubbers sat in my lap, but refused to wear a cape. We put a video on, blew bubbles, sang songs, watched the iPad but none of this mattered. Dubbers was holding me, hanging on for dear life and hysterically crying. Each time the hairdresser would make another move, Dubbers would turn his head and cringe. It would eventually be over and we would all leave mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted.

     This went on. And on. And on. I dreaded these haircut appointments and tried to space them out as long as possible. I even polled Facebook for any hairdressers in NYC that specialized in cutting hair for children with special needs and/or ASD. The only useful recommendation was for Cathy at CoziCuts. We had seen Cathy once and remember her being particularly good, patient and understanding of Dubbers’ sensory issues. I decided we would exclusively go to Cathy and work on developing a relationship where Dubbers could get comfortable and ultimately trust her.

     It was a process, and he still insisted on being in my lap. To be realistic, it probably took a year, but each time the haircut experience would get a little better. Dubbers discovered CozyCuts was also basically a toy store. Each time we went, he would pick one out in the beginning and hold on his lap throughout the haircut. We would talk about the new toy and keep him focused on this rather then the haircut. There were still cries and some cringing, but each time we would notice these behaviors slowly decreasing. I also began preparing Dubbers more for an upcoming haircut. I would talk about it a few days ahead of time and even add to his schedule so he could see and process this event that way.

     Our latest and most celebrated turning point happened last Sunday. His haircut was scheduled in the middle of a busy day between meeting friends at a playground and his beloved swimming lesson. Dubbers knew the schedule and would even pretend to cut his hair with his fingers when we discussed the schedule for the day. So at 1:30pm, Dubbers walked into CozyCuts with no hesitation, picked out a toy and sat on my lap while we waited for his turn. I said to him, “Dubbers, do you want to sit in the chair by yourself today?” And he answered, in his way, “eesss,” which means Yes. He then did exactly that, on his own, like a big boy. He sat in the chair and got the best haircut he has ever had! I was SO proud and happy and of course could not stop taking pictures. So yes, it might have taken three years, but this was a major accomplishment for Dubbers!